5 years. miss you, bro.

my brother made his exit 5 years ago today. hard to believe. 

 

First of the Gang to Die – Morrissey 

I thought it appropriate. 

it’s -29 outside.

i miss summer. (and my self respect. haha.)

beautiful.

more

i saw some good friends from 3 different cities this weekend. so amazing. i love sundays off.

 some highlights include:

• the bitter cold(ha.)
• “this way to fun —>” 
• lindsey’s happy face
• the strawberry daquiri with orange grey goose
• 100 mysteries tea with a scruffy-faced scott (keep it.)
• running out of windshield wiper fluid on the gardiner expwy in a salt storm
• dinner at utopia with steve and ali 
• this:  cutest little face’s and eyes on this one !!! thanks ali. 

hope you’re all awesome. xo.

ha.

e sent me this. 

http://niagara.en.craigslist.ca/cas/978504609.html

busy bee.

Vacation is done, and my life as I know it no longer exists for the next 5 weeks. School and the pharmacy have taken over,  12-13 hour days across the board. School also decided that they didn’t want reading week at the end of February anymore, but rather the beginning of March, so the trip that I have already booked now falls during a week of school, haha. Oh, and Megan is probably going to be meeting me in Vancouver, which makes me that much more stoked !!! 

So, friends, I’m gonna be waaay busy, but keep calling me and I’ll tell you I’m gonna call you back after work,  then I’ll probably fall asleep. Keep calling though, for real- just so I don’t forget what your lovely voices sound like.  haha. I’m sorry !!!

“somewhere…lobster are swimming”

My friend Dan set me up with the new Morrissey album yesterday morning – Years of Refusal. I’ve had it on repeat since.  Thanks, Dan.  

I went back to the beach lastnight with Eric, he’s home visiting from Vancouver Island for an indefinite period of time. So lucky to call him my friend. We intended to  go hang on the beach, cause I had told him how cool it looked, but when we got there it was far too cold, and windy. The full view of the sand and water looks as though they have traded places. The water usually so rough, is completely flat and calm. The  sand is like the topping of a lemon meringue pie, from the nights that the wind howls through and throws it around. Jealous.  

Eric’s mom makes breathtaking ginger cookies. 

Longest day ensuing. School, then MUST go to the gym, followed by work. Bummer. 

BC in 6 weeks, Morrissey in 8 weeks. No matter what happens, I know this is going to be one of the best years of my wee little life.

left coast.

My flights are booked and I will be visiting with family and friends in Langley, Vancouver, and Surrey from Feb 19th through March 1st 2009.

Excited !!!

Love vacations. 

P.S – Thanks mom, and welcome home.  I missed you.

2000 and mine.

I have erased everything before this. I don’t just mean that I hit delete over and over, I have actually erased everything. I officially do not remember what happened in times prior to 12 am, January 1st 2009. Having spent the past 5 years thinking and feeling only for events that I have no control over, it’s time to make this year mine. Shannen version 2008 would have said “I think I’ll make this year mine”. No more thinking. 

I spent my new years eve with friends I had not seen for 3 years, but they are the kind of friends you could run into after a decade and they would still love&accept you like they had seen you every evening. I had intended on staying home with my cats that night, I am not overly keen on holidays and  even less keen on large crowds of drunk people, but for some reason the offer of going to a stag&doe for people I had barely met seemed appealing. I had decided to be the designated driver, since it’s near impossible to get a taxi in London on new years eve. The idea of standing in the cold, snowy streets(drunk or sober) waiting hours for a ride didn’t sit well with me. 

Complete sobriety. Of all the decisions I have made in my life, I feel that for some reason that particular decision is one that will stick with me for a long time. That sobriety set in motion events that were not only entirely unexpected, but uncharacteristically welcomed by my mind, body&heart.  

I am a positive person. Tell me your problems, and I’ll do my best to fix them for you. Tell you mine, and I’ll trip over every word, smiling the entire time. Life is what it is. It can never be perfect; it is fucked up for everyone. It’s bad. It’s good. I want to explore what’s in-between that. 

What does bad mean?  Embrace your emotions, not a single one lasts forever. 

What is good, what is good?

Is it bad timing, is it good timing? Maybe neither. But what if it was best timing?  I want to know the in-between. 

I am going focus some quality time on all of those uncertainties because I can’t feel so safe anymore. I have spent too much time relying on things which I thought were concrete, and they apparently were not. So why shouldn’t I step into the quick-sand? If I sink, and lose everything, I’ll still have myself.

You still have yourself.  

Yes, I am going to make this year mine – but just maybe I’ll share it with you.